Seeking Purity

On January 17, 2011 I confessed my love to my future wife Krystal. I was glad to hear she loved me back. I regret to say that we ended up sleeping together before we were married, as that not only hurt our relationship with God, but it also hurt our relationship with each other. But we did have premarital sex, and that decision would bring great hurts (particularly insecurity issues for Krystal). I had held out and kept my virginity for nearly 23 years but I slipped up at last–I fear because of all my pursuits of sexual gratification throughout the years.

But after that, I decided that Krystal would be the woman I would marry, not because I had given my virginity to her, but because I truly loved her and wanted to be with her the rest of my life. So on June 18 of that same year, I proposed. That night I took her to the play Beauty and the Beast and took her to some of our favorite spots. At the end of our date, I proposed to her at a donut shop, the same one we met up at for the first time of hanging out. By August we were married, on the 13th. But before that happened, I will share a ‘fun’ little adventure we went through.

As we were nearing marriage, Krystal decided to get on birth control so when we got married we wouldn’t get pregnant right away. She had to get blood work done and all that and she received her results which informed us that she had Chlamydia. She was so torn up about that because, since we had premarital sex, that meant I probably had it too–and I did. She felt horrible since I wasn’t her first sexual partner, and she ultimately gave me Chlamydia. But I knew I had made my own choice, and I didn’t resent her for what happened; furthermore, I praise God that it was nothing worse, for we got treated and the Chlamydia is gone forever! From all our sins, I couldn’t blame God if He had punished us more harshly; but I believe God relented from punishment and instead gave us a trial, something that could be overcome…discipline if you will. And yet He was so kind in that we didn’t have to suffer a worse disease. Next post, I’ll talk about life as newlyweds and discuss our trials through learning to be a functional, young married couple. Until then, God bless!

A Horrible Relationship

I began to work at my local YMCA in the fall of 2009. In my time there, I worked as a personal trainer and general Wellness Staff in the gym. I loved working there more than any other job I have ever worked before. The members were so kind, and I was constantly surrounded by such a great host of godly men and women. It was bliss. Anyways, sometime that year I met a girl who also worked at the Y, and we began to date. It was probably my first REAL relationship that lasted more than a couple months. But still I was so far away from where I needed to be. That relationship was headed for failure the second it began. At the time, I really liked that girl, even though I ignored so many things that simply made the relationship extremely dysfunctional. I even thought at one point that we would fall in love and get married. Yeah right! I was dreaming. I was more in love with the idea of marriage than marrying that specific girl.

Looking back, I remember stuffing so much anger and frustration down that I was really hurting myself. But I didn’t recognize the dysfunction at the time, and after two months, I went to meet her family in South Carolina (I believe that’s correct). It was the most awkward experience of my life. I didn’t get along well with hardly any of her family members. When we drove back home, we got in a huge fight. We finally realized that things just weren’t working out between us. Still, we dated for another month and tried to work it out. By January 2010, she dumped me, and I came to find out that she was cheating on me with a guy I worked with, a fellow personal trainer. Instead of breaking up with me, she cheated on me and then broke up with me. I was so hurt by that. Another month or so went by, and I had to endure that entire period of time feeling depressed and angry. It sickened me to see them dating, especially since I worked with both of them. Basically, the guy dumped his current girlfriend, and my girlfriend dumped me; then the two of them got together. I was so angry and bitter, and I hated my life.

Eventually, my ex and I talked on the phone (we attempted to be friends after we broke up…it failed miserably). While on the phone, I yelled at her and, unfortunately, I cussed her out really bad. I was at my friend’s house at the time, and I released all the anger and hatred I had inside of me. I questioned her about her cheating on me and gave her an ear full of unkind words. She cried on the phone, and I eventually hung up on her (at least I think I did the hanging up). Shortly after, she and her new boyfriend moved to a different city. At last, I was free. That was at least the second time in my life I had been cheated on in a relationship. That crap hurts. Anyways, I was so happy to be able to go to work again without seeing my ex with another guy. All the members at the YMCA were so kind to me during that hardship in my life. I finally began to heal from that traumatic experience of my life, but I still carried a lot of hurt with me. Next time, I’ll discuss the turning point of my life that led me to finally accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Until then, God bless!